STYLE ADVENTURE ETIQUETTE

Posts Tagged ‘Eponymy’

The Gilded Age of Slander

In Dining, Romance, Slander, Society on July 19, 2011 at 11:49 am

I am sure by now you are well aware that I’ve had some ongoing, gratuitous and frankly appalling issues with the media.  If you read my previous entry regarding the numerous venomous articles painting me as a carouser a, party girl, even a floozy, then you’ll understand the history here. Why for heaven’s sake!  Egregious, just egregious these accusations!

Of course as a socialite, a philanthropist and a popular member of this fine city’s inner elite circles, I happen to have many admirers!  Being a gracious hostess and an expert on social propriety, I have found myself generously lending my presence to a variety of suitors, associates and gentlemen callers.  This is solely out of duty, out of politeness and out of manners.  Unavoidably, photographs surfaced taken by My Nemesis and the press that were edited out of context and assembled in a way which presented me as a woman of ill repute!  One can’t imagine my despair!  How simply awful!

While dining at a business associate's home, I ate some bad shellfish and had the worst bout of food poisoning! He was merely comforting me and checking my vitals to make sure I was metabolizing adequately!

My dear friend and I had merely fallen asleep after taking a grueling spinning class and My Nemesis caught us in this completely misrepresented position which makes it appear as if there was some type of hanky-panky going on! Good gracious no!

After working my paws to the bone in the shop for ONE whole hour straight, of course became absolutely exhausticated! It's no wonder!

Admittedly, I was showing interest in my former actor flame, Arrow Shwartzman. But as I mentioned before, the pressure of our combined fame proved too steep of an obstacle to maintain the relationship.

While out for after-work drinks I excused myself from the table to go to the powder room when My Nemesis caught a quick photo of me in an awkward moment with a gentleman acquaintance ! Alas!

Even when disguised, the paparazzi seems to somehow recognize me and capture incriminating photographs of me with persons of the gentleman persuasion.

Here I am pictured on a lunch date with one of my gentleman callers, Meatball. Meatball owns the popular restaurant, Bark Hot Dogs down the block. Rumors swirled that I was opportunistically forming a relationship with Meatball based on my love of hot dogs but that is of course patently ridiculous! I was drawn to dear Meatball for his strong masculine physique, his under-bite and snaggle-tooth, and his vague resemblance to a cod fish. Sweet tender affection!

I had been slaving over a hot stove all day when I just absolutely collapsed! My gentleman friend just happened to be there to break my fall!

Here I was merely showing one of my suitors, Zeus, the finest new merchandise that had arrived at my store. It was completely innocent! Really!

I had been overseeing a huge in store event and I absolutely collapsed by the end of the night!

Again, in a disgusting invasion of privacy, My Nemesis captured a nap-time photo and distributed it to the international tabloids.

Here I was reminiscing with some old friends from my favorite music venue, Southpaw, when a member of the press captured me in an awkward moment which appears to be a passionate embrace. Good lord!

Here I was captured during a high-fashion photo shoot with my dear friend who owns a precious little coffee shop on Classon Avenue in Brooklyn called Glass Shop. I had something in my eye and he was simply trying to help me get it out! There was nothing unsavory about our interaction whatsoever!

While strolling in my neighborhood I was bombarded by a pack of gentleman fans, asking for my autograph and wanting to ask me about my latest projects! I was positively overwhelmed but of course I obliged, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, my dear friends, as I have time and again proven, the camera can absolutely lie.  As a lady of grace, charm and generosity, sometimes my kind nature can be taken advantage of by the camera and manipulated in a way to paint me as a…hussy.  I am just beside myself!  It is all  highly  distressing and worrisome, but I count on my fans like you to renounce these lies and follow your senses in being assured that I am a pious woman of substance and virtue.

Anxiously yours,

Bianca Miller

Minimalist Chic for a Lady of Strength

In Fashion, Style on July 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

It is difficult not to have caught wind through the media’s constant references (“Madame Beanut,” “Lady Bianca Manatee,” “Burrito Miller,” “Sausage Shaped Goddess,” “Nugget of Love”, etc.) that  my curvaceous figure has become quite the subject of interest and fascination both here in New York and internationally.

Whether one is singularly admiring my lean muscle tone, my soft curves, or my delicate bone structure, it is really both the sum of those three parts, and the capacity of the sartorial element to compliment and enhance my lady figure — that packs the biggest punch in the end.  Mark Twain once said, “Clothes make the man; Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

Well, Mr. Twain died some years ago, but luckily we have Zac Posen to remind us how clothing should fit a lady and enhance her best features.  His new line, Z Spoke, focuses on expertly cut feminine dresses at reasonable prices.  Just darling, I say!  Sir Posen describes “Z Spoke” as a line for the strong-willed business woman who transforms into an elegant, downtown creature at night.  Well for goodness sake, there couldn’t be a more suitable description for yours truly!  I’m almost convinced Mr. Posen is speaking directly about me!

Photo of me in my little shop, Eponymy, taken by Erika Larsen for Inc Magazine. Notice my curvaceous hips in perfect harmony with the intricate tone of my abdominal muscles. Exactly the type of attributes showcased by Zac Posen's Z Spoke line.

At any rate, several Z Spoke styles are now available at Eponymy, my little store on Bergen Street in Brooklyn!  Below are a few of them, though I have to say the photos do not do these dresses justice and I would wholeheartedly recommend dropping in to see how one of these lovelies looks and feels on!

Cotton Jersey Backless Dress

Stretch Core Suiting Flare Dress

Stretch Core Suiting Pencil Skirt

Until we meet again.  Stylishly yours,

Bianca Miller

Bianca Miller High Life

In Adventure, Etiquette, Nemesis, Night Life, Slander, Society on June 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm

As many of my closest friends know from experience, being a public figure in New York City has its advantages and disadvantages. In fame, as in life, you have to take the créme bruleé with the reduced fat non dairy cream cheese, so to speak.

Far be it from me to complain but I feel I must also make a stand to protect my privacy, my stature and indeed my hard-earned reputation as a lady of style, grace, humor and modesty.

I am referring, of course, to the sustained, unjustified and frankly disturbing nature of the sullying of my name carried out by the person I refer to, for legal reasons, only as My Nemesis.

While answering a run of the mill question on modern dining etiquette by a delightful visitor to our store, I was discussing the relative suitability of various summer drink options available to the fashionable girl about town. Having recommended some fine wines (I have been VERY keen on Grüner Veltliner lately) available from our friends at Sip, I went on to describe those drinks which were to be avoided at all costs; appletinis, anything endorsed by a rapper, beverages with bright colors not found in nature, and any beer that is not Eponymy’s eponymous beer: (Bianca) Miller High Life of course — “The Champagne of Beers.”

Now there is a time to drink, and a time for business.  Sometimes they intermingle, often they don’t.  In order to fully demonstrate the ungainly figure cut by a lady with a beverage at an unsuitable time of day, I kindly offered to pose beside a glass of beer during business hours. Naturally, this was solely for the purposes of instructing an eager student.

In a heinous act of malice and misrepresentation, this very moment was captured by My Nemesis and subsequently distributed to various gossip columnists around the city as a shameful attempt to paint me as a fallen woman.

Bianca Miller High Life

Of course, not such a long time later, while socializing with business associates at one of my local spots, The Flatbush Farm, the press showed up to document my whereabouts and captured me in several compromising angles making it appear as if I am overly enthusiastic and concerned about social lubrication.

I was merely chuckling at a preposterous comment my dear friend made regarding the paradox of the human condition!

Here I was simply grinning regarding a series of simply hil-ar-ious military-industrial complex knock-knock jokes told by my favorite bartender.

So you can see, as a socialite and philanthropist I simply must make public appearances and rub elbows with the elite.  But you can also ascertain how an innocent appearance can be turned into a false portrait of debauchery.  I’m just beside myself!

Just a year ago, you can take note of another photo captured by My Nemesis during a party beneifiting the arts.

See here, my gentleman friend slipped and I ended up falling into the beer. It was an absolutely frightening experience!

THEN — and this is an extreme example of privacy violation, I was holidaying at my darling country home in Guilford, Connecticut, relaxing by the pool with an afternoon beer, when I was bombarded by those awful paparazzi!  Now Guilford is a beautiful, relatively unscathed town that has not yet fallen victim to the precious, overly manicured towns of the more populated areas of Fairfield County.  How on Earth did they locate me there!

If one can't enjoy an afternoon beer at one's country home in peace for crying out loud, what on Earth is the world coming to!

And so it falls to me to firmly deny any wrongdoing and leave it to my trust in you, my dear friends, to judge who is wrong and who is sorely in need of litigation.

Yours indignantly,

Bianca Miller

Art Tour Extraordinaire: Part I

In Adventure, Art, Society, Style on June 14, 2011 at 12:41 am

Now, I believe I’ve already mentioned my involvement in numerous social circles in our fine city. However I have yet to touch on my keen interest and pivotal role in the art world.  Indeed I have dear friends at Humble Arts Foundation, where I sit on the board and at  mr. and mrs. amaniolu — the curator of the wonderful collection for sale at my little store Eponymy.

As a patron, trendsetter, dealer and muse, naturally I am constantly being invited to gallery openings and events. What with my other commitments it’s frankly impossible to even attend a fraction of them. Exhaustication! That said, much as I enjoy hobbnobbing with a glass of wine and eavesdropping on conversations regarding false pretensions of metaphysical idealism, I also like to take it to the street and assess the more accessible delicacies of the art world.

Therefore, when I was asked to take a mini tour of some recent public art in Manhattan,  I decided to make time in my positively overloaded schedule to lend a skillful eye to the masses.

Driver! Take me to the venue!

I was picked up on Saturday morning by my driver Vladimir, a rather pleasantly plump fellow (notwithstanding the Russian prison tattoos on his hands and the gun shot wound in the side of his head). Our dear friend Alan Rohwer was in tow with my iced cappuccino, which was a blessing as I was absolutely parched. The scale of Alan’s artistic genius and talent is virtually insurmountable (why he nearly holds a candle to my achievements!) so naturally it was favorable to have him along for the ride.

Our first stop, The Helmsley Palace (these days known as The New York Palace), featured an exhibition in my honor. How spectacular the sculpture, and how kind it was of the guards to escort me down the red carpet to the base of the sculpture where I was photographed for what seemed like an honest to god eternity by those pesky paparazzi. Good lord. But one must oblige sometimes I suppose, especially when homage is shown on such a grand scale.

The sculpture itself, crafted by Julien Marienetti,  showed such attention to scale, such precise acknowledgement of my bone structure, my luxurious curves, the indent in the middle of my frontal lobe, the delicate folds in my face and neck – all diametrically opposed with the angular modern lines of the painted surfaces and vibrant colors. Gracious me! Pure Heavenly Goodness!

Take a look here, for a small style tip.  I decided to don a low-maintenance sporty outfit that day a lá Katherine Hepburn.  It is quite grotesque to look ostentatious at an event in one’s own honor:

Thank you kind city of New York! Thank you!

Once my appearance was made, we were on our way.  Vladimir suggested another location – a spot on Park Avenue boasting Swiss artist Urs Fischer’s 20 ton brass teddy bear.  While I don’t expect the subject matter of every public art work to reflect my grace and delicate facial structure, I have to say the lines did not please me aesthetically at all. Shame!

Botheration!

Good grief

In Romance, Society on June 3, 2011 at 10:00 am

Bianca Miller Portrait

Now, I declare, there is nothing that irritates me more than a name dropper, a social climber or a star snogger. Botheration!

But as I may have modestly mentioned before, due to my elevated sense of taste and style, I have had some opportunity to run in exclusive and elite social circles – among them, fashion, politics, art and of course Hollywood.

Bergen Street, where I work and reside, is a quaint little street with original store fronts, making the block a very desirable location for film shoots.  In fact, some time ago, my neighbors at Bergen Street Comics played host for the filming of what I’m told is a quirky and popular television comedy called Bored to Death.

As somewhat of a local celebrity myself, I had to be discreet about my entrance around the set and filming location. Entrances are key to elegance and I would never desire to distract from the filming of the actors. They are a delicate lot, and can get sensitive if they are not fawned over in the manner to which they have become accustomed.

At any rate, I happened upon the set to meet a very well known actor by the name of Sir Arrow Schwartzman (pictured below) with a lesser known, but from what I understand well respected working actor Mr. Jason Schwartzman.

Lady Bianca Miller and Mr Arrow Schwartzman

Lady Bianca Miller (left) and Mr Arrow Schwartzman (right) and friends

Although I tried my darndest to enter surrepetiously, their actor friend Mr. Zach Galifinakis  was overcome by my beauty and made quite a scene, if you pardon the pun.

“Look, look at that beautiful porcelain goddess!  Such soulful eyes, no profile, and a body shaped like a perfect peanut!” I believe he said.

Needless to say, I politely sidestepped Mr Galifinakis’ advances as I had grown close to Mr. Arrow Shwartzman at this point. Since then I have found that the pressures of his fame – when combined with my own – proved too much for our emerging love and so we have parted ways.

Well, it turns out, Mr. Galifinakis went on to star in a film with a beautiful young actress (seen here wearing a daring avant-garde plastic cone headpiece) bearing a striking resemblance to me.

Lady Bianca Miller lookalike

Lady Bianca Miller lookalike

Coincidence?  I know not and I think not.

Elegantly Yours,

Bianca Miller

It’s in the bag

In Style on June 2, 2011 at 10:00 am

Proud as I am of my modest achievements in life; my modeling career, my broad social circle and my vintage outerwear collection, I cannot say I’ve ever been driven academically. Those with the ability to focus on the far distant prospect of professional practice, and study tirelessly to that end, have my respect and admiration.

This is not to say that I envy them. On the contrary, I believe that in life as in fashion, one should always follow one’s heart and play to one’s strengths. As such my heart and talents have steered me towards a rich and fulfilling life in this, the most fabulous of cities.

I will confess however, to a long standing penchant for the exquisite leather goods that I believe are unfairly hoarded by the professions. Briefcases, satchels and particularly Doctor’s bags have a special place in my heart and wardrobe and I think it’s high time the doctors, lawyers and their ilk learned to share.

My dear friend Ms. Miller, whose little store I may have mentioned, having had to hear my thoughts on the subject perhaps once too often, recently took delivery of some very handsome bags that to my mind are just the ticket.

See for yourself

Democratically,

Bianca Miller

Imagine my dismay

In Etiquette, Nemesis, Slander on June 1, 2011 at 10:00 am

I believe I have mentioned my dear friend Ms. Miller and her little store on Bergen Street. This is normally a charming place to spend a little time and greet the very loveliest of people in the neighborhood.

Imagine my dismay therefore when, through some oversight, my name was not on the guest list at a recent informal party held at the store, celebrating the birthday of our very own The Glorious Ms. Amanda Redmon! Alas, not only was I refused entry but the doorman, a gruff sea turtle accompanied by his crony Sir Michael Malice, was so rude I was moved to raise my paw at him as I spoke.

turtle guestlist mishap

Attacked! Lady Bianca Miller (center) with Sir Michael Malice (right)

Unfortunately, with the whole world now having a cameraphone, this very moment was captured by My Nemesis who had the gall to post the photo on Facebook and imply the scene had become violent. The nerve.

For the record, I behaved in a manner fitting of a lady and this photograph is surely an example of how the camera can sometimes lie.

I trust that will be the end of the matter and wish not to speak of it again.

Truly,

Bianca Miller

Please allow me to introduce myself

In Uncategorized on May 31, 2011 at 10:00 am

Hello there,

My name is Bianca and I divide my time between my friend Miss Miller’s rather lovely boutique in Park Slope, Brooklyn and a pretty little pad nearby.  The boutique is a darling, truly personal place and I vehemently support her return to this tradition over mega-retail in this age of fast food, fast fashion and fast culture.

Though I blame the internet and the rise of social media for the decline of literacy, human intimacy and communication, I do like to think of myself a forward thinking gal, and so I’ve chosen to add blogging to my list of pastimes. As a socialite, model and arbiter of style, I am often asked for my opinion in matters of fashion and etiquette. Therefore I thought it prudent to share some of my thoughts and misgivings on those subjects with the more digitally inclined among you with my little blog, simply entitled ‘That’s what B said…’

To begin with, I shall be taking questions as I do normally in the store, but also welcome any question you may wish to ask here on the internet.

Yours,

Bianca Miller

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