STYLE ADVENTURE ETIQUETTE

Archive for the ‘Dining’ Category

A Mushroom of One’s Own: The Bitch Bench of Bergen Street Style IV

In Adventure, Dining, Etiquette, inspiration on January 23, 2013 at 4:20 pm

Welcome back, dear readers, to The Bitch Bench of Bergen Street Style.  This little section — why I like to think of it as my gift back to the community, an ode to my customers.

Lord knows everyone is always admiring Lady Bianca for this and that — my flawless porcelain skin, my voluptuous yet sleek peanut shaped body, the sheen of the hair between my toes…my razor sharp wit…why the list just goes shamelessly on and on!  And though forever appreciative of the constant adoration bestowed upon me by my fans, visitors to my shop, and random passerby on the street, it really does get tiresome, indeed, when I feel I am not getting a chance to be gracious and reciprocate compliments to others.

So it is with great relief that, in this little column, I get to point out and admire the stylistic triumphs of my dear fans and customers and engage them in interview — my attempt to better know the darlings!  This week, I interviewed the etherial and adventurous Francis Lin.  Ms Lin is my kind of gal.

While Frances pulls off this fabulous oversize parka in one of my favorite classic fashion colors (mustard) this is a look that eludes me, due to my heavenly curves.

Frances, what is your occupation?

I’m an emergency medical physician and also a medical toxicologist, however I’m taking a couple of years off to pursue what I’ve always wanted to do which is to write and create, and it’s been a very interesting journey; 2012 was the year of the fire dragon, which I am, as well as an Aries, so fire and fire. But it’s been a great year. A hard year, giving up a lot of job offers to do something that a lot of people were like, “hmmm…”

Change is always a good thing!  Eventually.  Sort of like the week I was so disappointed Fleisher’s ran out of Hot Italian Pork Sausage and I had get the Lamb Merguez.  I nearly had a horrific temper tantrum (my signature move is to fling my body on the floor and bite my paw) right then and there.  But after all that, the Lamb Merguez ended up being a new favorite!

Yes.  The change opened my world and my consciousness, my awareness to my surroundings so much more.

Regarding your current surroundings, what brings you to Bergen Street today?

I just wrote my first book (Whims and Woes), and I’m dropping off a few copies to Bergen Comics and I’m also going to go to Green Light. The book follows a character named Saro, who always finds the whimsical in the woe.

Imagine that!  Why, of course, that’s what Lady Bianca attempts to do in life – find the whim in the woe.  Speaking of whimsical, what did you buy at my dear little shop today?

I just bought this gorgeous dress [by Eva Franco] that has a little pouf and makes me feel like a princess, and it’s a great party dress.  I’d also been dreaming about this Soaked Earth fragrance [by CB I Hate Perfume] for a while, but I hadn’t had time to stop in. It smells like I’ve been digging in the soil for mushrooms, and I just love mushrooms. I guess it’s my Sunday church, going near the woods and digging for mushrooms and going to Central Park and finding mushrooms there too.

I, too, like to forage!  Now that we’re getting all these hurricanes and such here in New York, there has been a huge surge in the numbers, size and types of mushrooms we’re seeing all over the city.  It used to be, I’d only go foraging for mushrooms at my country estate in Connecticut.  I was constantly on the hunt for hen-of-the-woods mushrooms and, of course, chicken poop.  The groundskeeper, not understanding that chicken poop is a delicacy in more highly civilized countries like mine, scolded me after finding me in some remote brush with a mouth full.  The Neanderthal brute!  I’ll have his job for that!  

I found a mushroom as big as your heavenly body, Bianca, and I was carrying it on a stick like a hobo, walking through a book store on Madison Avenue of all places.  But because of that they didn’t forget me, so I’m also selling some books up there.

That description just became an absolutely gorgeous image in my head!  And on the subject of beauty, when do you feel the most beautiful?

When I’m completely alive and aware and engaged with the world, and it doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like; somebody has a connection with you, talking to people and having common interests, that’s when I think the world is beautiful and everybody is beautiful, it’s not about how you look. For a while I was so zombified, not sleeping, and only taking care of other people but not myself, and now that I’m writing I’m doing healing in a different way. I don’t think medicine is the only way to heal.

I think that’s very wise indeed.  Just like, school is only one way to get an education, and money can’t buy happiness…or taste, or style.  Do you have any style icons?

Oh gosh, I’m like worst person to ask this. I don’t know any pop culture, I’m like in my own world with mushrooms. I create my own world and my character is from a different planet that landed on earth, so…

Well for crying out loud — me neither!  But the universe itself, of course, is a heavenly style icon!  I, too, often feel as if I have landed upon this earth from somewhere else…that I am living in some strange space-time continuum.  I’d always attributed that somewhat to my extensive recreational drug use (I found hallucinogenic mushrooms wonderful as they are grown in poop, giving me the best of both worlds!) …or perhaps just to life in New York City.  If you didn’t live in New York City, where would you want to live?
Where wouldn’t I want to live? Actually, I’d want to live on a boat because then I could sail across the world and stop at ports and just live at a bare minimum, using solar energy and wind power to cook. Basically just cut off 99% of it… but I’d still have my Soaked Earth!

One has to have one’s indulgences.  For me I must have my gold leaf and caviar encrusted Kobe beef at least once a week or I become absolutely feeble and can barely speak or move.  If  in your next life you were to return as an animal, which would you want to be? (I dare say it would not be a Tajima cow.)  

I would like to be a phoenix!

Rising from the ashes is always a good look.

…or a dodo bird. They’re extinct now, but they were kind of whimsical and the story behind them is rather interesting. They were from the island of Mauritius, and they’d had no contact with humans so when humans came they had no defense mechanisms. The humans discovered that if they fed the birds rocks they would become really jagged so that they could sharpen their knives on them, but that wasn’t good for the dodo birds. The poor dodo birds!

What an untimely demise. I certainly would not care to ingest any rocks myself.  I tried it once, and my parapsychologist said it did not suit the hue of my aura which is an incredible deep blue, like my blood.  What color is your aura?
Oooh… it depends. Today I think it’s green and red and brown, mixed in with white, because I feel that I’m seeing time interweaving because we had autumn here and the old autumn leaves are mixing with the snow in the air. They are meeting for the first time but they’re not supposed to be meeting!

The Gilded Age of Slander

In Dining, Romance, Slander, Society on July 19, 2011 at 11:49 am

I am sure by now you are well aware that I’ve had some ongoing, gratuitous and frankly appalling issues with the media.  If you read my previous entry regarding the numerous venomous articles painting me as a carouser a, party girl, even a floozy, then you’ll understand the history here. Why for heaven’s sake!  Egregious, just egregious these accusations!

Of course as a socialite, a philanthropist and a popular member of this fine city’s inner elite circles, I happen to have many admirers!  Being a gracious hostess and an expert on social propriety, I have found myself generously lending my presence to a variety of suitors, associates and gentlemen callers.  This is solely out of duty, out of politeness and out of manners.  Unavoidably, photographs surfaced taken by My Nemesis and the press that were edited out of context and assembled in a way which presented me as a woman of ill repute!  One can’t imagine my despair!  How simply awful!

While dining at a business associate's home, I ate some bad shellfish and had the worst bout of food poisoning! He was merely comforting me and checking my vitals to make sure I was metabolizing adequately!

My dear friend and I had merely fallen asleep after taking a grueling spinning class and My Nemesis caught us in this completely misrepresented position which makes it appear as if there was some type of hanky-panky going on! Good gracious no!

After working my paws to the bone in the shop for ONE whole hour straight, of course became absolutely exhausticated! It's no wonder!

Admittedly, I was showing interest in my former actor flame, Arrow Shwartzman. But as I mentioned before, the pressure of our combined fame proved too steep of an obstacle to maintain the relationship.

While out for after-work drinks I excused myself from the table to go to the powder room when My Nemesis caught a quick photo of me in an awkward moment with a gentleman acquaintance ! Alas!

Even when disguised, the paparazzi seems to somehow recognize me and capture incriminating photographs of me with persons of the gentleman persuasion.

Here I am pictured on a lunch date with one of my gentleman callers, Meatball. Meatball owns the popular restaurant, Bark Hot Dogs down the block. Rumors swirled that I was opportunistically forming a relationship with Meatball based on my love of hot dogs but that is of course patently ridiculous! I was drawn to dear Meatball for his strong masculine physique, his under-bite and snaggle-tooth, and his vague resemblance to a cod fish. Sweet tender affection!

I had been slaving over a hot stove all day when I just absolutely collapsed! My gentleman friend just happened to be there to break my fall!

Here I was merely showing one of my suitors, Zeus, the finest new merchandise that had arrived at my store. It was completely innocent! Really!

I had been overseeing a huge in store event and I absolutely collapsed by the end of the night!

Again, in a disgusting invasion of privacy, My Nemesis captured a nap-time photo and distributed it to the international tabloids.

Here I was reminiscing with some old friends from my favorite music venue, Southpaw, when a member of the press captured me in an awkward moment which appears to be a passionate embrace. Good lord!

Here I was captured during a high-fashion photo shoot with my dear friend who owns a precious little coffee shop on Classon Avenue in Brooklyn called Glass Shop. I had something in my eye and he was simply trying to help me get it out! There was nothing unsavory about our interaction whatsoever!

While strolling in my neighborhood I was bombarded by a pack of gentleman fans, asking for my autograph and wanting to ask me about my latest projects! I was positively overwhelmed but of course I obliged, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, my dear friends, as I have time and again proven, the camera can absolutely lie.  As a lady of grace, charm and generosity, sometimes my kind nature can be taken advantage of by the camera and manipulated in a way to paint me as a…hussy.  I am just beside myself!  It is all  highly  distressing and worrisome, but I count on my fans like you to renounce these lies and follow your senses in being assured that I am a pious woman of substance and virtue.

Anxiously yours,

Bianca Miller

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