STYLE ADVENTURE ETIQUETTE

Posts Tagged ‘Bergen Street’

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The Gilded Age of Slander

In Dining, Romance, Slander, Society on July 19, 2011 at 11:49 am

I am sure by now you are well aware that I’ve had some ongoing, gratuitous and frankly appalling issues with the media.  If you read my previous entry regarding the numerous venomous articles painting me as a carouser a, party girl, even a floozy, then you’ll understand the history here. Why for heaven’s sake!  Egregious, just egregious these accusations!

Of course as a socialite, a philanthropist and a popular member of this fine city’s inner elite circles, I happen to have many admirers!  Being a gracious hostess and an expert on social propriety, I have found myself generously lending my presence to a variety of suitors, associates and gentlemen callers.  This is solely out of duty, out of politeness and out of manners.  Unavoidably, photographs surfaced taken by My Nemesis and the press that were edited out of context and assembled in a way which presented me as a woman of ill repute!  One can’t imagine my despair!  How simply awful!

While dining at a business associate's home, I ate some bad shellfish and had the worst bout of food poisoning! He was merely comforting me and checking my vitals to make sure I was metabolizing adequately!

My dear friend and I had merely fallen asleep after taking a grueling spinning class and My Nemesis caught us in this completely misrepresented position which makes it appear as if there was some type of hanky-panky going on! Good gracious no!

After working my paws to the bone in the shop for ONE whole hour straight, of course became absolutely exhausticated! It's no wonder!

Admittedly, I was showing interest in my former actor flame, Arrow Shwartzman. But as I mentioned before, the pressure of our combined fame proved too steep of an obstacle to maintain the relationship.

While out for after-work drinks I excused myself from the table to go to the powder room when My Nemesis caught a quick photo of me in an awkward moment with a gentleman acquaintance ! Alas!

Even when disguised, the paparazzi seems to somehow recognize me and capture incriminating photographs of me with persons of the gentleman persuasion.

Here I am pictured on a lunch date with one of my gentleman callers, Meatball. Meatball owns the popular restaurant, Bark Hot Dogs down the block. Rumors swirled that I was opportunistically forming a relationship with Meatball based on my love of hot dogs but that is of course patently ridiculous! I was drawn to dear Meatball for his strong masculine physique, his under-bite and snaggle-tooth, and his vague resemblance to a cod fish. Sweet tender affection!

I had been slaving over a hot stove all day when I just absolutely collapsed! My gentleman friend just happened to be there to break my fall!

Here I was merely showing one of my suitors, Zeus, the finest new merchandise that had arrived at my store. It was completely innocent! Really!

I had been overseeing a huge in store event and I absolutely collapsed by the end of the night!

Again, in a disgusting invasion of privacy, My Nemesis captured a nap-time photo and distributed it to the international tabloids.

Here I was reminiscing with some old friends from my favorite music venue, Southpaw, when a member of the press captured me in an awkward moment which appears to be a passionate embrace. Good lord!

Here I was captured during a high-fashion photo shoot with my dear friend who owns a precious little coffee shop on Classon Avenue in Brooklyn called Glass Shop. I had something in my eye and he was simply trying to help me get it out! There was nothing unsavory about our interaction whatsoever!

While strolling in my neighborhood I was bombarded by a pack of gentleman fans, asking for my autograph and wanting to ask me about my latest projects! I was positively overwhelmed but of course I obliged, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, my dear friends, as I have time and again proven, the camera can absolutely lie.  As a lady of grace, charm and generosity, sometimes my kind nature can be taken advantage of by the camera and manipulated in a way to paint me as a…hussy.  I am just beside myself!  It is all  highly  distressing and worrisome, but I count on my fans like you to renounce these lies and follow your senses in being assured that I am a pious woman of substance and virtue.

Anxiously yours,

Bianca Miller

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Minimalist Chic for a Lady of Strength

In Fashion, Style on July 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

It is difficult not to have caught wind through the media’s constant references (“Madame Beanut,” “Lady Bianca Manatee,” “Burrito Miller,” “Sausage Shaped Goddess,” “Nugget of Love”, etc.) that  my curvaceous figure has become quite the subject of interest and fascination both here in New York and internationally.

Whether one is singularly admiring my lean muscle tone, my soft curves, or my delicate bone structure, it is really both the sum of those three parts, and the capacity of the sartorial element to compliment and enhance my lady figure — that packs the biggest punch in the end.  Mark Twain once said, “Clothes make the man; Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

Well, Mr. Twain died some years ago, but luckily we have Zac Posen to remind us how clothing should fit a lady and enhance her best features.  His new line, Z Spoke, focuses on expertly cut feminine dresses at reasonable prices.  Just darling, I say!  Sir Posen describes “Z Spoke” as a line for the strong-willed business woman who transforms into an elegant, downtown creature at night.  Well for goodness sake, there couldn’t be a more suitable description for yours truly!  I’m almost convinced Mr. Posen is speaking directly about me!

Photo of me in my little shop, Eponymy, taken by Erika Larsen for Inc Magazine. Notice my curvaceous hips in perfect harmony with the intricate tone of my abdominal muscles. Exactly the type of attributes showcased by Zac Posen's Z Spoke line.

At any rate, several Z Spoke styles are now available at Eponymy, my little store on Bergen Street in Brooklyn!  Below are a few of them, though I have to say the photos do not do these dresses justice and I would wholeheartedly recommend dropping in to see how one of these lovelies looks and feels on!

Cotton Jersey Backless Dress

Stretch Core Suiting Flare Dress

Stretch Core Suiting Pencil Skirt

Until we meet again.  Stylishly yours,

Bianca Miller

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Good grief

In Romance, Society on June 3, 2011 at 10:00 am

Bianca Miller Portrait

Now, I declare, there is nothing that irritates me more than a name dropper, a social climber or a star snogger. Botheration!

But as I may have modestly mentioned before, due to my elevated sense of taste and style, I have had some opportunity to run in exclusive and elite social circles – among them, fashion, politics, art and of course Hollywood.

Bergen Street, where I work and reside, is a quaint little street with original store fronts, making the block a very desirable location for film shoots.  In fact, some time ago, my neighbors at Bergen Street Comics played host for the filming of what I’m told is a quirky and popular television comedy called Bored to Death.

As somewhat of a local celebrity myself, I had to be discreet about my entrance around the set and filming location. Entrances are key to elegance and I would never desire to distract from the filming of the actors. They are a delicate lot, and can get sensitive if they are not fawned over in the manner to which they have become accustomed.

At any rate, I happened upon the set to meet a very well known actor by the name of Sir Arrow Schwartzman (pictured below) with a lesser known, but from what I understand well respected working actor Mr. Jason Schwartzman.

Lady Bianca Miller and Mr Arrow Schwartzman

Lady Bianca Miller (left) and Mr Arrow Schwartzman (right) and friends

Although I tried my darndest to enter surrepetiously, their actor friend Mr. Zach Galifinakis  was overcome by my beauty and made quite a scene, if you pardon the pun.

“Look, look at that beautiful porcelain goddess!  Such soulful eyes, no profile, and a body shaped like a perfect peanut!” I believe he said.

Needless to say, I politely sidestepped Mr Galifinakis’ advances as I had grown close to Mr. Arrow Shwartzman at this point. Since then I have found that the pressures of his fame – when combined with my own – proved too much for our emerging love and so we have parted ways.

Well, it turns out, Mr. Galifinakis went on to star in a film with a beautiful young actress (seen here wearing a daring avant-garde plastic cone headpiece) bearing a striking resemblance to me.

Lady Bianca Miller lookalike

Lady Bianca Miller lookalike

Coincidence?  I know not and I think not.

Elegantly Yours,

Bianca Miller

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Imagine my dismay

In Etiquette, Nemesis, Slander on June 1, 2011 at 10:00 am

I believe I have mentioned my dear friend Ms. Miller and her little store on Bergen Street. This is normally a charming place to spend a little time and greet the very loveliest of people in the neighborhood.

Imagine my dismay therefore when, through some oversight, my name was not on the guest list at a recent informal party held at the store, celebrating the birthday of our very own The Glorious Ms. Amanda Redmon! Alas, not only was I refused entry but the doorman, a gruff sea turtle accompanied by his crony Sir Michael Malice, was so rude I was moved to raise my paw at him as I spoke.

turtle guestlist mishap

Attacked! Lady Bianca Miller (center) with Sir Michael Malice (right)

Unfortunately, with the whole world now having a cameraphone, this very moment was captured by My Nemesis who had the gall to post the photo on Facebook and imply the scene had become violent. The nerve.

For the record, I behaved in a manner fitting of a lady and this photograph is surely an example of how the camera can sometimes lie.

I trust that will be the end of the matter and wish not to speak of it again.

Truly,

Bianca Miller

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