STYLE ADVENTURE ETIQUETTE

Archive for July, 2012|Monthly archive page

The Bitch Bench of Bergen Street Style: Part I

In Adventure, Etiquette, Fashion, inspiration, Style on July 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

My fond admirers,

You may have read my recent post entitled The Lady (Bianca) Repeller: The Turd for Shoe.  It’s a revolutionary and important dissertation in which I decry “The Turd for Shoe” which I deftly define as the following:

“The Turd for Shoe is an inexplicable phenomena that begins to happen (usually early in male development) when at some point, man decides — WHY put your ENTIRE foot into a shoe (this might entail actually bending down, or perhaps some movement using arm strength and/or hand mobility) when, with one swift movement, one can merely SLIP one’s foot into a large, soft, brown, structureless TURD and then proceed to walk around like that, just living life.”

Well my fine friends, in addition to pointing out some flagrant abominations on the part of the human (particularly of the male persuasion) in making some gross errors when considering how to ornament oneself, I felt it prudent to lend my critical and adroit eye in pointing out creatures who have attained a level of lovely sartorial inclination.

And so, without further much ado about nothing, I would like to present my first in a series presented by yours truly entitled: “The Bitch Bench of Bergen Street Style.”  The Bitch Bench of Bergen Street, I should point out, is a dear little bench that sits outside Eponymy.  The bench exists, ostensibly, to provide an area for passerby and bored husbands of female shoppers to sit (preferably good-naturedly and not talking loudly on cell phones, chain-smoking or starting rubbish piles, ehem) while they wait for their loved ones.  In actuality, The Bitch Bench of Bergen Street is a platform which allows for myself and Eponymy staff and friends to both release anxieties among each other, and to gather inspiration from passerby.

In this series I choose a customer from my dear store who has somehow caught my eye and inspired me aesthetically, take a quick photo and I ask them a few questions in order to give the photograph a little flavor (I tend to veer towards lamb but everyone is different).  And so, without further hesitation, I present to you our first profile in this series.  And many, many thanks to Jillian, our lovely and gracious first subject for her willingness to participate and for her patience.

I adored how simple and lovely Jillian looked even in the vile heat and humidity of the day. She took a classic, basic look but added an unexpected twist by pairing a white tee and pink skirt with orange and yellow accessories. Nothing is either ostentatious nor matchy-matchy but it’s also not predictable. Oh, and I don’t know if you can see from here, but her toenails are painted a gorgeous 1950s kitchen appliance mint color. Brava Jillian.

Name: Jillian

Occupation: Producer

What she bought at Eponymy:  Cropped beige and white ikat AG Jeans, cream mesh detailed Mink Pink shorts.

What brings you to Bergen Street today? We were eating lunch at Sun in Bloom!  It was really good.

Are you pro or anti pickle?  pro pickle

Describe one of your most bizarre NYC experiences or sightings:

Oh jeeze.  There have been so many it’s difficult to narrow it down.  Well, I’ll give you one of the most recent.  The other day I saw a woman on the corner who was so strung out she had completely lost all sense of depth perception (and I’m sure other things) and so she was trying to drink a Mc Flurry that was melting rapidly because it was so hot outside but she was holding it at arms distance away and trying drink it from there and she just couldn’t quite figure out how to make it work – how to get the cup to her mouth so she could drink.  Very odd sight.

And there you have our first “Bitch Bench of Bergen Street Style” edition.  Until next time my dear fans,

Bianca Miller

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What’s the Meme-ing of This?

In Adventure, Celebrity, Etiquette, Nemesis, Slander, Society on July 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Heaven knows I’ve gone to extraordinary lengths to sidestep the pitfalls of high society life. I do so pity those who fall prey to the entourage of charlatans and hangers-on who make their living duping celebrities like myself with their own special brands of witch-doctory, hocus poucs and claptrap. Those of you in the know will be well aware of these tribes of swindlers; psychics, shamans, image consultants and dermatologists.

For the longest time I had steadfastly shunned them all, only to bow last year only to the advice of my trusted numerologist, Madame Menteur, to hire a press agent. This press agent, who shall remain nameless for legal reasons, was described to me as a necessary evil when living life in the public eye in today’s media saturated world. I would benefit from her careful hand, gently guiding my friends in the newsroom as to which stories of my exploits were suitable for public consumption and which were to remain my own for charming banter at cocktail hour. I also paid handsomely for the services of strictly controlling the right to my likeness, with imagery of my visage appearing only with my express permission, for a reasonable and tastefully donated fee.

Well you can imagine my horror when a dear reader took it upon themselves to inform my lovely friend Miss Miller of certain images that have been made available on what the young ones call Facesbook. It’s come to light that there are literally dozens of websites around the world where people place faked photographs that they buy somewhere called Photoshop, which I believe is in Seattle somewhere.

In response to this complete and utter failure by this so called ‘press agent’ I have asked my staff to take these photos from those websites and store them safely here on my own website instead. That way I can be sure they go no further.

So for that reason only they are stored below. I trust you will all have the good manners and courtesy to refrain from viewing them.

Bianca Golden Globes photobomb

Yours in dismay,

Bianca

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