I am an aesthetic individual by birth, a classicist by nature — famous for my shrewd wit and sartorial flamboyance — why, one might almost confuse me with the great Oscar Wilde himself!
Though many of my unpublished novels have been inspired by, and generally aligned with, Mr. Wilde’s ideology, there is one famous position of his that I must refute. In his essay “The Decay of Man,” Señor Wilde asserts: “Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life.”
Well, my fine friends, I beg to differ. Tee he! Just couldn’t help myself with that one! Just awful, I know…I know…but also somehow SO pleasurable at the same time! Right? Right!?
Oh, I digress. Without further ado about nothing, I shall unfold empirical evidence gathered while gardening on the internet, which proves that the chicken did come before the egg!
Please refer to exhibit A, one of my prior blog posts. If you have read it, please review paying particular attention to the section on the sculpture in front of the New York Palace. If you have not yet read it, how do you expect us to be friends?
Exhibit B. Ahem.
Exhibit C. Although the genus depicted is not French, he is a second cousin once removed, named after our uncle, Skittlefoot.
Exhibit D. Jedi evidence.
Exhibt E. Even frat boys know. For the record, I did nothing disgraceful at this house party. How could I have known that Rabbit was married to the hostess! Ooof.
Exhibit F. Utterly stunning ring by Verameat Jewelry found at my little shop, Eponymy.
Exhibit G. I'm no snitch, but I simply can't help point out the similarities here!
Exhibit H. A party thrown in my honor, complete with an ice sculpture by the illustrious Thomas Brown and gorgeous "Bianca" statues in background.
Exhibit I. This piece of evidence is somewhat more confusing for the layperson scientist. I'll say no more on that note about my superstring theories, and let my audience research on their own.
Exhibit J. And Gargoyles are French too! Bonjour!
Exhibit K: "Opus Manatee." Just sayin'.
Exhibit L. Hippoponymous.
Exhibit M. Ugly Doll? What a simply GHASTLY name. I entirely disagree. Single? Contact me.
Exhibit N. The Netherland Dwarf Bunny; story of a Fierce, Bad-ass Rabbit.
Exhibit O. We come in peace.
Exhibit P. The Long Eared Jerboa. Another bizarre biological imitation.
Exhibit Q. The nugget. My influence seeping into the culinary scene.
Exhibit R. Many have drawn comparisons noting the piglet. I must say, an absolutely lovely creature, but sometimes just such a boar. Ooooooo.
Exhibit S. The Japanese have always had a knack for beautiful design.
Exhibit T. Even across the globe, the Koala has followed my grooming techniques closely.
Exhibit U. Big Marshmallow. Another clear example of my translucent skin and voluptuous figure inspiring the gourmand.
Exhibit V. The baby sloth looks very closely related but unlike me these creatures are extraordinarily lazy. Why that 20 hour research nap I took the other day followed an exceptional day of rigorous jazzercise!
Exhibit W. Mini-nugget friends.
Exhibit X. Cousin Fred.
Exhibit Y. My gorgeous postmodernist coat. Why, the Empress has no clothes! Te he!
Exhibit Z. I taught my neighbor to be so fierce, though I couldn't help pointing out the egregious color and pattern on his jumper.
And there you have it my friends. In art, as in nature, one simply CANNOT deny the brawn of a powerful live muse. And while I would never… never insinuate that this muse was myself, I encourage you to do so.
With Wilde abandon…eminently yours,