STYLE ADVENTURE ETIQUETTE

Archive for the ‘Slander’ Category

What’s the Meme-ing of This?

In Adventure, Celebrity, Etiquette, Nemesis, Slander, Society on July 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Heaven knows I’ve gone to extraordinary lengths to sidestep the pitfalls of high society life. I do so pity those who fall prey to the entourage of charlatans and hangers-on who make their living duping celebrities like myself with their own special brands of witch-doctory, hocus poucs and claptrap. Those of you in the know will be well aware of these tribes of swindlers; psychics, shamans, image consultants and dermatologists.

For the longest time I had steadfastly shunned them all, only to bow last year only to the advice of my trusted numerologist, Madame Menteur, to hire a press agent. This press agent, who shall remain nameless for legal reasons, was described to me as a necessary evil when living life in the public eye in today’s media saturated world. I would benefit from her careful hand, gently guiding my friends in the newsroom as to which stories of my exploits were suitable for public consumption and which were to remain my own for charming banter at cocktail hour. I also paid handsomely for the services of strictly controlling the right to my likeness, with imagery of my visage appearing only with my express permission, for a reasonable and tastefully donated fee.

Well you can imagine my horror when a dear reader took it upon themselves to inform my lovely friend Miss Miller of certain images that have been made available on what the young ones call Facesbook. It’s come to light that there are literally dozens of websites around the world where people place faked photographs that they buy somewhere called Photoshop, which I believe is in Seattle somewhere.

In response to this complete and utter failure by this so called ‘press agent’ I have asked my staff to take these photos from those websites and store them safely here on my own website instead. That way I can be sure they go no further.

So for that reason only they are stored below. I trust you will all have the good manners and courtesy to refrain from viewing them.

Bianca Golden Globes photobomb

Yours in dismay,

Bianca

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Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown

In Adventure, Celebrity, Etiquette, Fashion, Nemesis, Night Life, Romance, Slander, Society, Style on October 29, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Dearest friends and loyal fans,

Admittedly, it has been quite sometime since you have heard from me.  Although I feel in no way obligated to, as a lady of clout and social stature, I find it prudent to recap an abridged version of my activities — my comings and goings since I left you last.  This is not an excuse — but merely an explanation for my extended sabatical from blogging.

As I have lamented before, life can be such a struggle for a lady of my position!  It is not all coming up roses and little pieces of cut up sausage for Lady Bianca Miller.  Behind the veneer of glamourous parties, fabulous events, and sordid love affairs — there is a dark side my friends, a dark side.

And because so much time has passed since I have shared with you in this forum, I shall edit fiercely and attempt to catch you up to date swiftly.  I left you last sometime just before Fashion week.  As you can imagine, I get dozens of invitations from people desiring me to attend their event, show or party even for a few moments!  And while I can’t accept them all, I am higlighting a few of many of the events I lent my fame to that week:

Here, front row at the Zac Posen show, I snapped a photo of my old pal Sessilee Lopez. Of course I was asked to walk the show but due to a strained paw, I was unable to accept the kind offer. I imagine it was somewhat for the best as I tend to overshadow the rest of the girls, and it is a good show of generosity of spirit to give others their time to shine.

Later, backstage, I caught up with my good friend Anna Wintour (you can see her pictured here seated front row, catty-corner from me). Of course we were originally supposed to sit next to each other so I could lend an ear to her sometimes tedious inquisitions into my aesthetic interpretations of the sartorial floor show, but there was a mix up in the seating arrangements and I, not wanting to cause a stir, decided to do the graceful thing and yield to any deliberation on the matter.

After attending countless other fashion shows that week, I found it proper to take my adoring staff to happy hour at Maison Premiere where they offer all varieties of superior bivalve molluscs, all at $1 a peice!  Imagine!  Naturally, we had to give them all a go:

The stunning ladies of Eponymy, Amanda and Claire, ready to indulge in celebration of Eponymy's 3rd birthday. Dry Kir Royales and oysters? Yes please!

Though curvy in the right areas, I am also blessed with a speedy metabolism and so I do fully enjoy the luxuries of partaking in a second course at none other than Fette Sau.

Of course we found it only proper to end the evening with a Miller High Life toast to Eponymy, MHL being our eponymous beverage.

In addition to our private celebration, I decided it would be kind to support the industry and allow others celebrate the 3rd birthday of my little shop, Eponymy, by throwing a small soiree:

Here I am at my little shop, Eponymy, with my dear friend who occasionally helps me get things together. Generally, she can be a bit lazy about things you know. It is just so difficult to find good help these days!

I was able to secure my friend Stephane Wrembel to play the party:

Stephane has composed and performed the soundtracks to Woody Allen's "Midnight in Paris" and "Vicky Christina Barcelona" among other achievements. It was a glorious evening of lovely Gypsy Jazz. I say, I do know how to throw a party!

There is a possibility that while rehashing old glory days with my dear artist friend Thomas Brown, who has sculpted my likeness (I am somewhat of a muse to him), I may have consumed one too many Miller High Life beverages.

The lovely Emma Hoette who is both an accomplished modern dancer and costume designer, was also enjoying drinks from our favorite neighborhood bar, Weatherup! Unfortunately, I may have also represented in an entirely different way by perhaps slightly overindulging on the delicious cocktail selection they offered.

Of course, what really put me over the top was when the rock and roll crowd came tearing through the gathering.  One of my absolute dearest friends in the world and talented singer and muse, Lisa Ronson, daughter of the late, legendary Bowie guitarist, Mick Ronson showed up (late of course).  You know how those rock and roll characters can be!  Well one moment I’m innocently sipping camomile tea in a quiet corner and the next moment I’m drinking straight from a bottle of Jack and breaking musical intruments over senior citizen’s heads!

Here is Miss Ronson looking uncharacteristically demure in the presence of uber design, branding and merchandising stylist extraordinaire Alan Rohwer.

Well, it wasn’t just wild child Ronson’s doing.  Soon enough my friends and neighbors Ian Hultquist and Sofia Degli Alessandri of Passion Pit and Aislyn joined us and I soon began to enter a dark territory I believe I have heard many rock and rollers call “shit-can-drunk.”

Captured here in an inordinately modest and reserved moment, as soon as the cameras were off, Ian and Sophia started ripping the heads off small animals with their (lovely) teeth!

Well I kept up appearances and socialized for as long as I could...

...but I am afraid towards the end of the evening I had to retire somewhat earlier than anticipated...

...and naturally exhausted from several long weeks of festivities, I had to be escorted upstairs to my more comfortable residential abode...

Single?  CALL ME.  718-789-0301.

That my friends, is when the evening took a disastrous turn towards the devastatingly scandalous. Somehow, delirious and still tipsy from the evening, I wound up in the bath with an on again/off again romantic interest of mine. I can only assume that whilst passing through, he saw the necklace around my neck (by Diament Designs) reading "Available" and assumed that I was interested in rekindling our relationship.

...and of course the next morning....

...amongst all the kerfuffle...My Nemesis arrived on the scene to catch me in an amorous embrace with my gentleman suitor, Meatball.

I will tell you one thing.  Meatball was a perfect gentleman, even bringing me a breakfast in bed of chili cheese and bacon hot dogs, crispy pork sandwich and bratwurst with bacon braised sauerkraut from his splendid little restaurant Bark Hot Dogs.

But I am afraid, however, as glamourous as all of this sounds, I awoke the next day in a first class seat to Palm Springs, Florida where I escaped for several intensive days of detoxification, yoga and spa so I could get my head on straight for crying out loud!

I find the sun salutations so grounding in this crazy, crazy world we live in.

Oh, the pressures of fame!  I’ll tell you, friends, New Yorkians and countrymen, it’s certainly not all it’s cracked up to be!

And that, my friends, although an abridged version, should catch you up to date on my activities over the past few.  Pity me?  Gracious no!  I am a strong woman of substance and persistance and I shall laugh wholeheartedly and maybe even cough up an undesirable piece of phlegm (it is cold season now) in the cruel face of adversity.

With much due respect to my faithful fans,

Bianca Miller

The Gilded Age of Slander

In Dining, Romance, Slander, Society on July 19, 2011 at 11:49 am

I am sure by now you are well aware that I’ve had some ongoing, gratuitous and frankly appalling issues with the media.  If you read my previous entry regarding the numerous venomous articles painting me as a carouser a, party girl, even a floozy, then you’ll understand the history here. Why for heaven’s sake!  Egregious, just egregious these accusations!

Of course as a socialite, a philanthropist and a popular member of this fine city’s inner elite circles, I happen to have many admirers!  Being a gracious hostess and an expert on social propriety, I have found myself generously lending my presence to a variety of suitors, associates and gentlemen callers.  This is solely out of duty, out of politeness and out of manners.  Unavoidably, photographs surfaced taken by My Nemesis and the press that were edited out of context and assembled in a way which presented me as a woman of ill repute!  One can’t imagine my despair!  How simply awful!

While dining at a business associate's home, I ate some bad shellfish and had the worst bout of food poisoning! He was merely comforting me and checking my vitals to make sure I was metabolizing adequately!

My dear friend and I had merely fallen asleep after taking a grueling spinning class and My Nemesis caught us in this completely misrepresented position which makes it appear as if there was some type of hanky-panky going on! Good gracious no!

After working my paws to the bone in the shop for ONE whole hour straight, of course became absolutely exhausticated! It's no wonder!

Admittedly, I was showing interest in my former actor flame, Arrow Shwartzman. But as I mentioned before, the pressure of our combined fame proved too steep of an obstacle to maintain the relationship.

While out for after-work drinks I excused myself from the table to go to the powder room when My Nemesis caught a quick photo of me in an awkward moment with a gentleman acquaintance ! Alas!

Even when disguised, the paparazzi seems to somehow recognize me and capture incriminating photographs of me with persons of the gentleman persuasion.

Here I am pictured on a lunch date with one of my gentleman callers, Meatball. Meatball owns the popular restaurant, Bark Hot Dogs down the block. Rumors swirled that I was opportunistically forming a relationship with Meatball based on my love of hot dogs but that is of course patently ridiculous! I was drawn to dear Meatball for his strong masculine physique, his under-bite and snaggle-tooth, and his vague resemblance to a cod fish. Sweet tender affection!

I had been slaving over a hot stove all day when I just absolutely collapsed! My gentleman friend just happened to be there to break my fall!

Here I was merely showing one of my suitors, Zeus, the finest new merchandise that had arrived at my store. It was completely innocent! Really!

I had been overseeing a huge in store event and I absolutely collapsed by the end of the night!

Again, in a disgusting invasion of privacy, My Nemesis captured a nap-time photo and distributed it to the international tabloids.

Here I was reminiscing with some old friends from my favorite music venue, Southpaw, when a member of the press captured me in an awkward moment which appears to be a passionate embrace. Good lord!

Here I was captured during a high-fashion photo shoot with my dear friend who owns a precious little coffee shop on Classon Avenue in Brooklyn called Glass Shop. I had something in my eye and he was simply trying to help me get it out! There was nothing unsavory about our interaction whatsoever!

While strolling in my neighborhood I was bombarded by a pack of gentleman fans, asking for my autograph and wanting to ask me about my latest projects! I was positively overwhelmed but of course I obliged, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, my dear friends, as I have time and again proven, the camera can absolutely lie.  As a lady of grace, charm and generosity, sometimes my kind nature can be taken advantage of by the camera and manipulated in a way to paint me as a…hussy.  I am just beside myself!  It is all  highly  distressing and worrisome, but I count on my fans like you to renounce these lies and follow your senses in being assured that I am a pious woman of substance and virtue.

Anxiously yours,

Bianca Miller

Bianca Miller High Life

In Adventure, Etiquette, Nemesis, Night Life, Slander, Society on June 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm

As many of my closest friends know from experience, being a public figure in New York City has its advantages and disadvantages. In fame, as in life, you have to take the créme bruleé with the reduced fat non dairy cream cheese, so to speak.

Far be it from me to complain but I feel I must also make a stand to protect my privacy, my stature and indeed my hard-earned reputation as a lady of style, grace, humor and modesty.

I am referring, of course, to the sustained, unjustified and frankly disturbing nature of the sullying of my name carried out by the person I refer to, for legal reasons, only as My Nemesis.

While answering a run of the mill question on modern dining etiquette by a delightful visitor to our store, I was discussing the relative suitability of various summer drink options available to the fashionable girl about town. Having recommended some fine wines (I have been VERY keen on Grüner Veltliner lately) available from our friends at Sip, I went on to describe those drinks which were to be avoided at all costs; appletinis, anything endorsed by a rapper, beverages with bright colors not found in nature, and any beer that is not Eponymy’s eponymous beer: (Bianca) Miller High Life of course — “The Champagne of Beers.”

Now there is a time to drink, and a time for business.  Sometimes they intermingle, often they don’t.  In order to fully demonstrate the ungainly figure cut by a lady with a beverage at an unsuitable time of day, I kindly offered to pose beside a glass of beer during business hours. Naturally, this was solely for the purposes of instructing an eager student.

In a heinous act of malice and misrepresentation, this very moment was captured by My Nemesis and subsequently distributed to various gossip columnists around the city as a shameful attempt to paint me as a fallen woman.

Bianca Miller High Life

Of course, not such a long time later, while socializing with business associates at one of my local spots, The Flatbush Farm, the press showed up to document my whereabouts and captured me in several compromising angles making it appear as if I am overly enthusiastic and concerned about social lubrication.

I was merely chuckling at a preposterous comment my dear friend made regarding the paradox of the human condition!

Here I was simply grinning regarding a series of simply hil-ar-ious military-industrial complex knock-knock jokes told by my favorite bartender.

So you can see, as a socialite and philanthropist I simply must make public appearances and rub elbows with the elite.  But you can also ascertain how an innocent appearance can be turned into a false portrait of debauchery.  I’m just beside myself!

Just a year ago, you can take note of another photo captured by My Nemesis during a party beneifiting the arts.

See here, my gentleman friend slipped and I ended up falling into the beer. It was an absolutely frightening experience!

THEN — and this is an extreme example of privacy violation, I was holidaying at my darling country home in Guilford, Connecticut, relaxing by the pool with an afternoon beer, when I was bombarded by those awful paparazzi!  Now Guilford is a beautiful, relatively unscathed town that has not yet fallen victim to the precious, overly manicured towns of the more populated areas of Fairfield County.  How on Earth did they locate me there!

If one can't enjoy an afternoon beer at one's country home in peace for crying out loud, what on Earth is the world coming to!

And so it falls to me to firmly deny any wrongdoing and leave it to my trust in you, my dear friends, to judge who is wrong and who is sorely in need of litigation.

Yours indignantly,

Bianca Miller

Imagine my dismay

In Etiquette, Nemesis, Slander on June 1, 2011 at 10:00 am

I believe I have mentioned my dear friend Ms. Miller and her little store on Bergen Street. This is normally a charming place to spend a little time and greet the very loveliest of people in the neighborhood.

Imagine my dismay therefore when, through some oversight, my name was not on the guest list at a recent informal party held at the store, celebrating the birthday of our very own The Glorious Ms. Amanda Redmon! Alas, not only was I refused entry but the doorman, a gruff sea turtle accompanied by his crony Sir Michael Malice, was so rude I was moved to raise my paw at him as I spoke.

turtle guestlist mishap

Attacked! Lady Bianca Miller (center) with Sir Michael Malice (right)

Unfortunately, with the whole world now having a cameraphone, this very moment was captured by My Nemesis who had the gall to post the photo on Facebook and imply the scene had become violent. The nerve.

For the record, I behaved in a manner fitting of a lady and this photograph is surely an example of how the camera can sometimes lie.

I trust that will be the end of the matter and wish not to speak of it again.

Truly,

Bianca Miller

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