Darlings, award season is upon us once more. To me, this means taking on a brutal schedule of gown fittings, red carpets and all night parties, set against a backdrop of mildly threatening fan mobs. My thoughts, as always, are of style and etiquette but with the added concern of seating plans. A time for revelry, yes, but also a time for furious networking and the striking of deals.

Which is why I was somewhat aghast to overhear some of our city’s young ones declare their desire to become famous with the singular aim of walking red carpets at these events. If ever a cart was before a horse, a “c” before an “i” or a chaser before a shot, this took the dog biscuit. Yet, rather than succumbing to the twin aging culprits of dismay or disdain, I chose instead to practice compassion. It is with this higher purpose my dear friends, that I wish to offer this simple instructional guide on how not to become a fame hungry troll.

I shall begin be dispelling some of the common misconceptions our youth have about the path to fame and fortune:

No. 1. Oversharing your private life
 

Yes, you may have the right to freedom of speech, but dare I suggest that airing your every gesture and utterance in the public domain was not at the what dear Mr Madison had in mind when drafting the First Amendment?

No. 2. Performing lewd acts
 

Just because someone in the public eye made a lot of money subsequent to demeaning themselves on the internet, doesn’t mean you ought to do the same. Showgirls was not an instructional video.

No. 3. Denying your better judgement
 

There will always be some foolish guttersnipe who will encourage you to disregard your gut instinct with the assurance that what you’re about to do ‘will go viral’. Observe this unfortunate fellow, embarrassing himself on a clearly unmatched pony, without the suitable attire. If you find yourself making a similarly perturbed facial expression, cease and desist your activities there and then.

No. 4. Weilding your children like trophies
 

An armful of Grammies is impressive and newsworthy. An armful of teething and bewildered younglings is not.

No. 4. Waiting for something to happen
 

Make no mistake that luck, happenstance and serendipity play a large role in all walks of life. It is indeed possible to be talented and hardworking and not to ‘make it’. Such is life. But hear this, you must still work hard, stay focused and develop your talent. Even if this doesn’t land you a prime time show, you will be far wealthier in spirit – and in my esteem.

With the greatest respect,

Bianca